MS makes you….

MS is one of my arch enemies. I have many. MS took my mother. I never had the disease, but one of my cousins does. A few years ago, I was very stressed out, and was feeling dizzy. The floor was coming at me, does that make any sense? It was like the floor was coming up at me. I felt like I was a crazy person. I was also very nervous. I called my doc and he told me to come in. He ran me through the usual paces, simple tests that docs do to see if anything is ‘off’.  I insisted on an MRI and I was fine. No MS.

I grew up with my MOTHER having it, and am therefore hyper vigilant about my health. It’s a nice way of saying that I am a hypochondriac. I am better than I used to be, but I am still a hypochondriac. I have spent years in therapy, and have finally come to the conclusion that I am broken. As old as I am, I really don’t think I will be fixed by a magic drug. However, MS affects everyone in a family. I am not saying I developed anxiety because of it, but it is one of the reasons that I developed REAL anxiety. Anxiety and all of it’s craziness will be for another post. If I have an ear infection, I know I must have MS. If I fall over the dog, I must have MS. If I get dizzy or feel woozy, I must have MS.  You get the picture. I am also constantly watching my children.

A million years ago when my MOTHER was diagnosed, MS was absolutely NOT hereditary. That’s what we were told. If I would have known different, I would never have had six children. I just would not have wanted the slightest chance that something could be passed down to them. However, all of them seem to be clear of MS, but I still am hyper vigilant about my own health as well as theirs.

I hope that I live long enough to hear they have found a cure. I am excited when I hear of new drugs that can help those that have it. I love seeing people that do have it live normal and productive lives. I love hearing of medical breakthroughs. One of my children is wired differently that the others. I thought she would be a great researcher and of course, go to MIT and find a cure….These are the crazy things I think. I detest all autoimmune diseases, but have a special hatred for MS.


3 thoughts on “MS makes you….

  1. I “spared” my family (except for my mom because she is a hypochondriac and had to look it up and she literally cried for days…um hello I’m the one with this crap not you). Any ways, when I told everyone in the family I down played it A LOT and since no one decided to do their due diligence (not that they didn’t care…they just figured I would tell them all they needed to know). So no one stressed but my mom and well, my hubs because he researches everything! Everyone else thinks its just something you get dizzy or are tired a lot and you are not going to die from it so they are all like, eh….


  2. First, it’s wonderful we now have such technology that we can journal about our feelings, and happenings in life. Second, it’s good that you are going to the doctors and trying to cope with this horrible disease. I grew up with it and know what it does to a person, as well as their family. My mother just gave up. You are not doing that. You are angry, probably scared, but you have spirit and courage. I know people with MS that have many more good days than bad. They take all kinds of supplements, as well as medicines, and live the best lives they can. Anytime you need to vent, you can always reply to my posts. I only post things about MS because I am a child of one who had it. I am not saying she would have lived longer if she tried to combat it, but I then again, I think she would have. Do not EVER stop fighting, but rest when you need to.
    Best, Toni


  3. Just to let you know, perhaps my post was not clear. She did NOT die of MS. (and you most likely won’t either). Read my Happy thoughts. Try and post some yourself even if you don’t feel like it. It will make you feel better.


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