Happy Thought

My anxiety is a real problem, see former posts. Anxiety is insurmountable when dealing with my son’s heart disease. I used to talk things through with my daughters who are adults now, and we are friends. I have recently discovered (when did this happen?) that they have lives of their own. So I have tried to keep them in the loop when something serious happens, but the day to day things, I do not mention. I listen to them more than anything or at least I try. I have been sitting alone, or driving or hiding in my car, worrying, worrying, worrying, tummy churning, sweat pouring off me, praying, screaming, crying, trying to get a hold of my emotions.

Last night I found out my son was riding his bike, not only on bad tires, but also had shortness of breath. It could and probably is, because he rode so long and so hard, and was not used to it, but we will wait for the doctor to have the final the word.

I called my husband for once, and I do mean the first time, because I am a control freak and never call him for anything, especially when he is at work, for he has a labor intensive job.Even though he understands my anxiety and tries to help me, he is usually too tired to deal with me….but last night was different because it was about our son, and when I explained everything calmly, He knew that it was worth looking into to, that we can not take chances with our boy’s health until he is out of the house and married. We will not let him go!

My happy thought is that I do not have to suffer alone – I just call my husband. He proved that he will act if there is something ‘not quite right’ going on with our son.

It’s comforting to know that we are on the same team, have the same objective, to do all we can to ensure the best quality of life for our son, and yet be ever watchful and not take chances. For some reason, my son tells him the truth, more often than me. Perhaps he fusses at me and acts nasty because I am an easy target. I don’t know. Normally this would hurt me and send me flying into an anxiety attack. But it doesn’t. Because my son is more important than my companion, anxiety.  It’s good to know I can share with someone who understands.

for #2  —  I am smart enough to share my burdens

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