Some women say that Menopause is wonderful. It changed their life for the better…
blah blah blah not quite for me.
There are a few things however, that have come about in the last five years or so that I think are good.
For example, I used to say, ‘Yes’ to everyone and everything. It was hard to be a Yes person with a large family, and being a care giver at the same time. Some how I did it. I was glad at the end of the day when all was done and felt good that I had accomplished so much, but it wore me out.
Getting older has changed me quite a bit and not in the obvious Menopause ways.
I can now say No Thank You and mean it. I can say I Do Not Want to Go or I Do Not Want to Do This or That and mean it. I can also say to myself, ‘I don’t like their company’ and decide not to be around a person. I can also give my body a break. For example, I have been cleaning the outside of our house that we are moving into. There were four older young men living there and they left beer cans and bottles and trash all over the place. It was too much for one person to do in a day or even two. Two of my sons helped me. I was hurting when the day was done! Maybe I have some arthritis in my back or maybe I am just out of shape…Definitely out of shape – but my back was hurting so very bad. The next day I gave myself permission to sit on my heating pad and read a book. I never would have done that when I was younger.
Anxiety shows its ugly self during Menopause like a bat getting caught in your hair (where did that come from)? It is with me constantly. I used to ‘push through’ when I was younger, but I do not do that any longer. If Anxiety has taken hold of me and won’t let go and I am ‘in a state’ I just do what I can for myself and do not go out to places that will trigger the Horrible Anxiety. For example, I will of course run out for bread or milk if needed, but I won’t do things that Do Not Need To Be Done Today. I try and take care of my Inner Self. My Outer Self is another story. Yes I know I have to dye my hair, wear a bra, act Normal. But those things are for others, not for me. I do mind that I am getting wrinkled hands. I love my hands because they look like my Mom’s. I know I need to take care of my skin. However, If I had the Time to go through the Hundreds of Creams and Lotions in the Make Up aisle, I would probably start a beauty regimen. I find myself So Confused and then I get Frustrated and Leave the Store. I don’t think that is Menopause, I think it’s my Anxiety kicking up its heels so I leave. Easier for me.
I definitely take the path of least resistance. I used to be a power house fighter, type A personality, blah blah blah. Now I just take the easiest road for me. I could never do that when younger. I don’t wear my age like a badge and say I have Earned It. I just give myself permission To Do What I Want whether It is Right or Wrong. Whether something is Right or Wrong to another is irrelevant. It has to be Right for me. If I had lived this way when younger, I would not have been so stressed out. I would not have taken every business call during dinner, or a child’s basketball game. I would not have put down a bottle to schedule a job. They Could Have Waited. But at the time, I did not feel that business could wait. Now I can look back and see that I was Wrong. I even had some Fool call me about their job when I was in Labor. Good grief! What’s worse is, I Took the Call!! Now I would not think of such a thing.
Menopause wreaks havoc on my body now and then like the Downstairs problems but mostly it is my emotions. Crying or Anger. I am told by a Doctor I Respect and Trust that it won’t last forever, thank goodness. I can Eye Roll and Rant about the physical aspects of Menopause. The Emotional part is a Big Problem. Some of it comes from my son having his heart condition. Some of it is that I am no longer taking meds for Anxiety because they Do Not Work Anyway, most of it is probably The Menopause.
I would really rather cry over commercials or Happy Events instead of Everything. For example, I went to church and the music moved me in such a way that I could Not Control My Tears. A lovely lady came up to me and asked if I were alright and I said, ‘Oh yes, it’s just The Menopause’. She was a little shocked because she was Older Than Me, and they probably did not talk about it. I do talk about it. I want people to know about it – Men and Women. There are many men out there that think their wives have Changed into a Kook and it’s not that at all…it’s hormonal. I advise them to be patient, even though their wife is probably throwing daggers at them.
I was always hungry for success when younger. I wanted to ‘get ahead’, ‘take care of my children’ make a million by 25 For Real. I did not do a great job. But A for Effort. Now I have had my success and don’t mind when the younger ones are ‘ahead of me’. I am truly glad for them. It’s a nice feeling to not Have to be the Best. When younger, I was always angry when people would come in between myself and my children, undermine me, or treat me unfairly. I was basically a Terrier. Now I am Angry A Lot and not for any specific reason, or sometimes for no reason. I used to drive around, doing my job, running errands, taking care of my Mom, and not even noticing that I probably cut people off on the road, or grabbed a parking space someone else was wanting, or even noticing road rage toward me. Now, probably because I am more attentive to driving slower and The Speed Limit, I notice the Road Rage. Now I Tell Them Off. Not smart really. They could pull out a gun or something. My Anger is most surely a Problem. My poor hubs gets the brunt of it. He tries so hard to be nice to me during these times because I drag him to the gyn doc with me and the doc explained The Menopause. I wanted my hubs to know. He is very patient, although sometimes it runs very thin. Like I said before, he is begging me to take hormones. When I have Downstairs problems, I always ask him what he would do if it was happening Downstairs with Him and like any typical man, he responds: I would go straight to the doc. No question about it. So there I think, sneering at him in my mind. I am like a snapping turtle to him or that cute little dog that wags it’s tail and you bend down to pet him and then he bites you. Yep. That’s me. I hope this phase does not last long because I do not want to snap at people, nor be mean. I want to quit my own Road Rage as well. It’s dangerous. For example, if I drove a Hummer, I would ram someone, not thinking of the insurance bills nor the legal ramifications, like Jail. I am so mad, I am blinded from any Reason whatsoever….I will be teaching #5 to drive soon as well so I had better Get a Grip soon….I am content with the changes that age has brought. However, I do hate…