What’s in a name…

What’s in a name?  Isn’t that a cliche’ or quote or something?  I think it is.  I used to be called, ‘Mommy’, or ‘Mama’ or sometimes,’ Mother’ when some of my children were in the teen stage…Mother!  I knew that I was doing something right when I heard that. Now I am, ‘Ma’ to some, ‘Mom’ to others, and ‘Mawm’!!! (eye roll included) to a few of them. I take no offense, I think it’s hilarious. For a while one of them when younger, called me Toni. He did this on purpose, just to irritate me, but I was onto him, and never let him see me be irritated. ‘Toni’ quickly vanished, and ‘Mommy’ magically returned….I am Habu to my grandchildren. Sometimes I am ‘Grandma’.  I don’t care what they call me either. I am just happy they call me something. I am thankful I am thought of, and loved.

I find that I am very irritating to my children and I can not figure out why. My beloved  Mom,  (grandmother) my best friend, my treasure, the Great Love of my Life, tried to micromanage my life and would freeze me out if I did not do as She Wanted. It caused much pain and heart ache and I promised myself long ago that I would not interfere with my children as they grew up. I think I have done that for the most part. (of course I still get my digs in from time to time)….However, even though it is hard for me to keep my nose out of their business, I really think I succeed at this. For some reason though, I still get on their nerves. Sometimes I ask questions that I really want to know the answers to. It is usually about technology, or some new band that they like, or a movie or television show that they mention. I think they mistake my interest for ignorance or something. I am kind of dumb when trying to keep up with technology, how to use the cell phone, text as fast and well as they do, Use Instagram, or Snapchat….

Sometimes I find myself listening to how to do something and I get bored. I have always been bored easily. I don’t know why that is. In school I was bored most of the time. I loved English and Creative Writing and History, but usually had a book hidden in my math and science classes, thus getting poor grades in those subjects. I started to go to community college a few years ago and I am still the same. Certain subjects I am interested in, if Someone Else is Doing It, (like robotics or science or physics or something like that)…but it’s not for me. It is a great way for me to fall asleep though. I have literally done that. Fall Asleep. It’s so boring to me….Perhaps when the children explain something I drift off someplace In My Mind because I don’t understand and it bores me…?

I am glad that I don’t spend much time wondering how or why I irritate my children because I can think of a million ways that I do this, I just don’t understand why.

Other ladies of my age, and older have ‘things’ to do, to keep them occupied, interested in life, hobbies…things like that. They are not as intertwined or infused in their children’s lives. That would be so strange for me. Not to be so intertwined in my children’s lives. However, I do want to volunteer and go back to school and write my book, and many more books, and get another job…I have other interests. I still have children at home. They do have one foot out the door, but they are still here. #6 can’t even drive yet. Maybe that’s why I am the way I am. He just says I am lame….when I ask him why he says that, his reply is, ‘You just are Mawm’…



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