I am writing and you are sleeping, tossing and turning, almost like you probably rolled down a hill when you were a child. Rolling over and over and over until you got to the bottom of a big hill.
You are working too hard, driving over 100 miles per day, in horrific traffic, working on a job that drives you crazy and has lasted too long.
I know you want to work closer to home, and to have some time off. I know how long this job has taken, I have been counting the days, and your life is just so Damn Tough. The pity of it is that everything is about money…..We owe so much and need so much and have too many monkeys on our backs….. My job is so easy because all I do these days is sell the jobs which is what I have always done, but it’s easy for me because I don’t work my body to it’s limits like you do….Plus I have been doing it so long that I can do my job while blogging…..almost. You still push yourself like you did when you were in your twenties. Back then you liked it, I remember my love. You say you like it now, but I know you don’t. I know it’s taking it’s toll. I hate it.
I wish you could retire, or do a job that was not so taxing on your body. I wish you weren’t such a great craftsman sometimes. I wish you would work with your helper everyday, instead of only some days. I wish you did not have to do all the work on the Fixer Upper.
I am sorry that you don’t have dinner on the table every night, but you know I am a terrible cook, and no one eats it anyway. It’s just a waste of time, but if you wanted me to, I would. I try to keep things in order for you, and keep annoying customers off your back. I take your laundry out to wash it because we no longer have a washer and dryer. I try to clear the yard although I am not very good at it. I home school the last one because you want me to…
I would lift that 275 pound machine and carry it for you
if I could….
and I know you carry the same bruises and scars I do from the battlefields of parenthood
I know you are as scared as I am…
while you are rolling and tossing and turning in your sleep my love,
you are also