If you thought you were a little nuts before Menopause, hold tight….Menopause will convince everyone around you that you Are Nuts and if you aren’t careful, you will think it too. Allow me to explain:
Have you ever seen a cute little dog with those chocolate eyes, looking at you, then you bend down to pet it and it growls, becomes aggressive, and then bites you? Years ago, I was like that dog. I was called many names by co-workers, colleagues, friends, family, and acquaintances. The B Word, Terrier, Pit Bull, Ice Queen, one that has Moxie, Ace, to name a few…..I was fearless. I worked very hard when younger to be the best I could be, crushing the competition in my job, working weekends, fearlessly throwing people ‘out of my boat’ when they turned against me or ticked me off–anyone that said or did anything wrong to my kids were sorry they did….
Menopause has turned me into a puddle. If someone looks at me the wrong way, instead of standing up for myself, I cry. It’s pathetic and embarrassing. For example, apparently, one of the kids told the hubs that, ‘Mom was losing it over the weekend’, ‘Mom is really biting your head off’, etc…….The truth is that I am having a really hard time adjusting to the old/new Fixer Upper. The boys that lived here before me literally threw their trash outside. Then the hubs and a friend put on a new roof in December.
We now have a huge dumpster for debris, but much of it is around the house, in the yard and behind bushes. The weather is warming up and ‘my job’ is to pick up the debris and trash. I dressed in sweats, completely covered, head covered with a bandanna, because I am afraid of bugs. Not just any bugs, just Swarms of them….It’s like the Ant Leader saw me coming, and blew his whistle and yelled, ‘Charge’!! If I picked something up, like a roofing tile, ants were covering it and thus ran after me…..the same with the Bees…they are everywhere. Big ones too….my son said that they are males and can’t sting. I looked at him in amazement and asked how he could tell but he did not answer. Exactly. Thank you. I am not taking a chance of those bees stinging me. So I was hopping around with trash in my hands, doing the best I could…filling up trash cans and hauling them over to the dumpster…..then I took a break and cut grass until I ran out of gas. Went inside to get a drink and just started to cry……Yes I know I will get through this, but the bugs get inside through the windows, and Yes they are small little bugly things….but I have to be extra careful when cooking, which Thank Goodness I don’t often do…but still, it’s creepy. I am Officially Creeped Out. Instead of me fighting back the snide remarks of my family, the ‘you are crazy’ ….’everyone says you are crazy, so it’s you, not anyone else’….’you need to change’…I cry and cry and cry and just want to run away. Since I have no where to go, nor money to get there, thank goodness I can write on my blog…..I know that owning is the End Game I am trying to take it in stride, but Menopause Is Not Helping. I have no backbone at all anymore….I have been told to take hormones and I Refuse..so I am giving the Tissue People much Profit by buying Boxes each week…..The doc says this Phase of Menopause will pass and I will be So Glad when it does!! Until then, I will continue to continue to cover up when working outside and have ordered a Bee Suit. I guess I still have a little Moxie….