Two sons still at home, one with a broken heart, constantly worrying..that’s me.
One with many troubles, I am trying to work it out, do what’s best for him, more than a Project, a Responsibility, I don’t want to keep failing him…me working feverishly on a solution, so many troubles….my youngest teen aged baby boy, how I love you…..
Money, a constant need….bills to pay, never having enough, never having extra…sometimes it seems like there’s no light, only darkness….
Marriage is rocky at best, but holding on with duct tape….
Two have left the nest long ago, but I have not forgotten the heart ache of the first to leave, nor the emptiness when the second left….
Now the third is leaving soon, so far away, so many states away, to a place I will most likely never go….to lead a life I will rejoice with her over the phone, she will be with her Love, she will be fine, I am not worried about her as she has a Great Mind and will be a Highly Effective Teacher….she will be happy and for that I am Thankful….
I cling to my eldest now for he has become my rock although not much liked by his siblings, his wife, my daughter, allows me to cry, makes me eat, holds me tenderly, after I have been so horrible to her for so many years, I see my granddaughter with her parent’s love reflected in her eyes….
I have no place anymore…this is what I think…I used to have all the answers, make everything alright, but now I am in unfamiliar territory, can’t seem to pull out of it…can’t pull myself together…
I will miss my Wing Man, My Happy Bird, there is no replacement for her and yet….
Perhaps this distance is necessary so she will not fall apart when I am gone as I did when my beloved Mom died….