He had a heart attack today…not my son..

My cousin. He is only 57. His mother lives with me and I don’t write too much about her because I am infuriated with my cousins as well as their mother…However, when my uncle called, I felt so horrible that my cousin was hurting and in the hospital. His prognosis is good, we have modern medicine, of course I am hoping for the best.

Taking my aunt in has changed me though. Or maybe I have allowed her to change me. She is so difficult, so hard, not loving, a Big liar, always Conniving…uses me, I could go on and on but this is one time I won’t because I am not interested.

I went straight home, cancelled a coffee date with my daughter to tell my aunt in person and perhaps drive two hours to the hospital. My uncle called back, (they are divorced) and said first my cuz was going into surgery, then they changed their minds and something else happened and he may be going home tomorrow…maybe putting a stint in his heart…so strange. I hope he gets better soon but I was very mad at him and my reaction to this crisis is not my usual. I am mad because my cousins have dumped their mom on me. Actually I rescued her and the one who had the heart attack was supposed to take her full time and I was supposed to be the relief pitcher ….I am the only pitcher so am looking for a place for her to live….

This is not me. I love my cousins and my aunt and uncle although we have not been close for years. I just want to move on with my own life and my own family, close family. My sons and my daughters, my life….Sounds so selfish but I have done much for my aunt and I do not feel guilty about it. I do not feel guilty about my cousin either but I do wish him a speedy recovery….

I have to move out my aunt so I can be who I like. I don’t like who I am around her. Time for her to go….

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