Anxiety and heart disease and me…

My son has heart disease and this blog has helped me put many of my feelings and worries on cyberspace, which has made me feel better.

However, he surely is nervous about his condition, but he no longer defies death In The Face like he was doing.  He is driving his car on the back roads at ‘a buck twenty five’ as he says and that would worry any parent. He is thinking of doing all kinds of ’18 year old’ things that I don’t approve of. He can’t wait to get the Damn Motorcycle out of the shop tomorrow.  It stays more in the shop than on the road, that makes him sad and me deliriously happy.

The point I am making is that I am the one that worries, stresses and obsesses about his condition, not him.  For that I am so thankful to God. I wouldn’t want him depressed, down, feeling sad all the time, worrying, and having anxiety on top of everything else. He is living his life to the fullest he can but not In God’s Face like he was a few months ago.

I had a very long conversation with him yesterday and he was making so much sense to me. He has obviously started to come to terms with his condition. I hope I can. I will try but it’s really hard for a parent. We all want our kids to have better lives than we have and we certainly don’t want them to be ill or have a condition.

I am more at peace after talking to him. Don’t get me wrong, when I think of him driving too fast or acting like an 18 year old Nut Anxiety is having a blast. But Anxiety is not controlling Him and for that, I am so thankful.


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