Anxiety and me….

Tonight I am spending the night at my eldest son’s house because he lives closer to the Imaging Center I have to go to tomorrow for the dreaded yearly mammogram.  Many of my friends don’t even get their yearly screenings. I was told a million years ago by my birth mother to go to all doctor’s appointments, especially those that are preventative. In a moment of clarity and graciousness, (she had MS) she told me this. Therefore, I always have and have also encouraged every woman I come into contact with, including my daughters.

I guess it’s normal to be a little nervous. I don’t mind the machine or the test, although it does hurt me a bit more because I am short and the machine doesn’t adjust quite low enough for my height. My beloved Mom used to describe a mammogram like this: “take off your shirt, stand in the door, put your boob in it and slam the door on your boob”….she told me this when I had my first screening a million years ago. (Thanks Mom, I almost fainted)….it’s really not That Bad, but it’s …you know…doctor speak…..uncomfortable. That part does not bother me. I can stand the pain for a few minutes. It’s the Knowing, the Waiting…..and I am getting the results the same day!!  Who worries like that?   Me. I worry and worry and worry and am very grouchy and irritable and can’t concentrate and do not want to do anything at all. I go through this every year.

Last year, I had my yearly woman check up and was very nonchalant about it, even put it off for a few months, which I Never do, because I am beyond child bearing years and found I had HPV….therefore they are ‘watching’….I have to have pap smears every six months. I just asked my doc to take everything out but he laughed at me …I have known him a million years and he said that if you had it when young, (thanks first husband bastard) then it can come back, especially in Menopause. (lovely thanks for that like it’s not bad enough)….so now I am extra worried about All Tests.

I have tummy problems and a fluttering  in my chest, I am sweating and if I look closely, my hands are shaking a bit. That’s what Anxiety does. My next post will be about what the Greatest Doctor in the World thinks about my Anxiety and how it all started….





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