I would like to say I lost 10..

My eating plan is in my mind. I would like to say that I have lost ten pounds.

The truth is, I have spent a week getting all of my materials in. Cookbooks, work out tapes, and containers. I spent the past few days watching some of the videos, watching mind you, not doing them….then tried to work out a diet….of course I am still not eating. I usually forget to drink my boost until I am half way down the road. I decided I should put a reminder note someplace, perhaps by my coffee maker. I went into a tail spin yesterday when I watched the videos, not making excuses, just knowing there is no way I can do them right now. I can modify modify modify super modify but I can’t do them like a ‘normal’ person could. I am just too heavy. Then I was reading through the booklets and planning in my mind what I can and can not eat and then I freaked out because although I can have coffee, I can’t have it with milk, even skim. That’s not going to work. Then I read even more and saw that someone that needs to lose 50 plus pounds should subtract a carb….perhaps add a protein…sheesh…I got so confused!!

Then I started rattling all this around in my head and thought I shouldn’t start yet. I am not ready. Then I argued with myself and thought I am just making excuses. Then I got depressed. The cycle begins….

Finally I decided that I would start eating three meals a day even it HURTS which it does. This sounds crazy, right? Most people WANT to eat. I don’t. So today I drank my boost, ate a weight watchers for lunch and will have some kind of small dinner.

I have dropped my coffee from 11 cups per day down to three or four. That’s good. I have been drinking more water, but have not yet hit my goal of eight glasses per day. Sheesh that’s so much water!  Since I can’t drink anything else, perhaps it’s not so bad.

Instead of discounting the work out tapes completely, I have decided that I will just do what I can do. I will be doing much modifying because some of the moves are too much and it’s really FAST. Even when I was in my twenties I remember Jazzercise for the first week was my arch enemy. I hated it and then I loved it.

Walking:  I am going to have drive a few miles into town and walk up and down the street, feeling like an idiot. The reason for this is that the country road I live on is so scary. The curves wind around and the cars come so fast and I am afraid.Then my anxiety kicks in.

I don’t want to join a gym until I am exercising for at least a month on my own. Then a treadmill with Air Conditioning will be nice. I will eventually turn to the 21 day fix meal plan because I like the idea so much. But for now, I am not ready. I have joined gyms before and never go. It’s so dumb. So I will wait before I do that. I have just wasted money in the past and I don’t have any extra to waste.

The last problem I have, and it’s a big one:  I have to quit smoking. Smoking is so gross and disgusting, not to mention expensive. I have been smoking for a million years but it’s time to quit. I will never get through the work outs if I don’t. I am just going to quit. Let’s see how that goes.

I will be grouchy for a while, but (ssshhh!!)  I will just blame it on menopause. So the next month is going to be tough. Eating three times a day, quitting smoking, and exercising each day. Oh boy……


7 thoughts on “I would like to say I lost 10..

  1. Some thoughts: What about forgetting the word diet, think eat really really well. You really want to stop smoking? Why, after all these years? If you have this very very very clear, you might not even want to smoke any more…
    I only smoked for 20 years and never more than a package. I stopped because I was pissed of of that mind fuck every day – thinking about smoking or not smoking. So I did an experiment: one day smoking (as much as I want) , one day no smoking (no panic, tomorrow you can smoke again). Day three I broke the law and felt shitty. Then I figured, 2 days no smoking and I am back on track. I did. The third day I went in the mountains to picknick with some friends and decided to buy those cigarettes only on the way back. That was it, I never smoked again: I became stronger than that little sabotaging voice in my head. Once I realized that the only thing that kept me from doing what I really wanted was that voice, I really wanted to be stronger… Maybe that works for you – same with eating well – let go of the bad stuff, add good stuff…


  2. Everybody’s got their own way. Before I gave up smoking, I was kicking at thirty a day – Capstan Full Strength, Gitane, L&M. It took me two tries before I gave up. The trouble with dieting is the end – you lose all that weight, but then put it straight back on again. What to do? I’m no advertisement; still 22 stone (308 pounds) and at 70 I’m on a life sentence. I know it. And yet I don’t eat a lot, at all. I don’t eat much in the way of fatty foods, I cook most of what I eat myself.
    I think maybe Billy Connolly’s answer is the best one. “Eat less, do more.” That about sizes it up.


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