Lonely girl

I think Lonely Girl was a song title long ago….I am not sure but I think so. I know that ‘Nobody’s Girl’ was..by Bonnie Rait many years ago…

Today I was stressing over my teeth, wondering what to do, trying to get information from several dentists…the hubs had to run out and said, ‘I am not going to babysit you’…I looked at him and wondered how he could be so callous. Then I was mad but it was not a full blown mad because I know he is busy, not used to dealing with me when I am not feeling good, and he just doesn’t have it in him. It got me to thinking about my life and when through out the years I hardly ever went to him when having a hard time. I went to my friends and my girls who are all grown now. I went to my beloved Mom whom is in Heaven now. Gosh I really miss her after all these years.  She always knew what to do.

In my twenties I had many troubles and had two best girl friends and a number of guy friends. We did not realize it at the time, but we needed each other. We would laugh together, talk things out together, cry together…for years. Then Life came in and took each of us in different directions with families and such and we lost touch. I really don’t want to look them up and try and catch up on twenty plus years. It’s too much effort.

After getting remarried, having babies and getting into my twenty something, thirty and forty something years I had many ‘mommy acquaintances’ and one terrific best friend whom I still stay in touch with; just not on the daily. I miss her. She has her own life which includes her grand-kids and of course her sidekick husband whom is great.

I really miss my girls. They are and were my best friends but I find myself the needy one. They are all in relationships, one is married, has a child, one is getting married, one is finding her way, and of course out of town when I am feeling down. I also don’t want her to feel burdened by me. I have tried an experiment. One of them asks about me and listens, comments, prays. The others talk about themselves and then have to go…it’s okay I get it. It just makes me sad today. Menopause weeping?  Oh yeah…One gets mad at me quite a bit so I try and tread carefully…

My two boys at home have been helpful, as helpful as boys can be, going to the store, and doing laundry. I am appreciative. I just miss the opinions of my daughters, my best friends, and know that if I bring up my ‘blues’ and ‘teeth troubles’ and ‘ailments’ they will give me an encouraging answer and probably an eye roll…

I have a house of bedrooms. I tried to get my dogs to come in, and even they don’t want to deal with me today….

I am alone, as I have always been. It’s a good thing I am used to it.

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