this is a note to the older parent and their teen aged or grown kids:
When the children are small you are the center of their world. They depend on you, look up to you, think you are the most beautiful, the smartest, the best person in the world. As they grow and you give them a little lead on the parent leash, they branch out and meet friends and people and other parents, but still think you are the bees knees. Then they turn into Teens. Grrr! The struggles sometimes begin, but not always as all children are different. You may have boys and relate to them better. You may have girls and relate to them better.
If you have your children in your late thirties to early forties, you will discover that as they branch out and you (speaking to the moms) you will find yourself on a new journey as I call it The Menopause. You may be lucky and Sail right Through or you could be like me and turn into a (yuck) Crying Puddle all the time. For example, in your younger years, you were a compact pit bull and now you are a tea cup yorkie (( love dogs))…You will get your feelings hurt and usually SOB and you feel such emotion you can’t contain it. Tears fall from your eyes so you are constantly carrying tissues for two reasons: being hot and sweaty all the time and then drying your eyes. I won’t go into all the other delightful things about menopause in this post. You will wish you had Someone but the next minute you will glad you have No One. The Menopause.
How does it affect your family life?
It’s the worst. For example, my girls are grown and not around much if at all. I have my two teen boys at home. The first sight of tears and they accuse me of being crazy, acting the victim (of what I wonder?) and usually your significant other, if of the opposite sex has no idea nor do they care about your handling or mishandling of situations.
Today I was having a rough day due to dental problems and feeling unwell. I started moving some of my college daughter’s things into her room as she dashed off to another state with her boyfriend shortly after graduation. My older son saw me moving things and basically told me to go to my room. I have a house of Bedrooms (see former posts of the fixer/upper we bought) no living room….blah blah blah…anyway, the older son was Mean and mumbled Mean things and of course I burst into tears.
I lay in my bed for over two hours. I tried to sleep, but no luck. I tried to watch tv but with all of these channels, nothing of interest. Tried to read, no luck concentrating….If my eldest son had spoken to me in this manner twenty years ago I would have let him have it and taken his keys and he would have felt the Wrath of Mom and withered himself into a puddle. But no, I just allowed myself to be berated and put down and verbally stepped on. Told the hubs and he left to cut the grass. Such is my lovely family these days. I cried into my pillow about missing my daughters, but not wanting to burden them, cried about missing my friends of old and my best friend as well, but not wanting to burden her…thought about what I am going to do about my teeth which is weird because I am not vain but this is too much: I look like a wolf, or a boar with tusks, or a bizarre experiment of a Brussels Griffon dog. ( I love the breed, used to breed them) For Real.
I then called the dentists, several, and the girls that answered the phone were condescending and mean and I took it. I left my phone on and she had an open line and I heard her call me a crazy bitch. For real. (Yes I am writing a letter to the board as it’s a dental clinic)…I opened the mail and put aside a letter I received to complete my degree…looked at my laptop, thought about editing my book, of course did not do it. Laid again on my pillow and cried and prayed and prayed and prayed. Pretended I was asleep when the hubs walked in because I did Not want to talk to Him.
As the dark clouds encircled my home, heavy with pre summer rain, ready to pour itself at any moment into my yard which will become a Mud Pool, I looked out the window and compared myself to those clouds. I would never take the verbal abuse from my family members when I was young. I was Feared, Revered, loved, cherished and Needed.
I decided that like the clouds, once the rain is done falling, the sun comes out. Sounds cliche I know, but it’s true. I decided that tomorrow I am going to speak with my son and tell him about The Menopause even though he won’t want to hear it. I will let him know that even though he has heart disease, he is no allowed to speak to me in a disrespectful way. He can flip me off in his mind, give a mental eye roll, or text his siblings as he always does about me, but he will not be permitted to disrespect me. I am longer to take their mean words or snide comments.
If I cry, so what… deal with it. I dried their tears too many times to count. If I am not feeling good, then help out.I took of them plenty of times, not to mention gave up my young life for them. I am not asking them to wipe my butt I am asking for a little slack. I have certainly given all of them slack over the years, all six of them.
The above was for the older parent.
This is for the children of the older parent:
Be respectful. Your mom is not crazy. She is just going through a very difficult hormonal time that she has no control over. When you talk to your mom, try and listen. Keep the eye rolls mental, don’t let her see them. She loves you more than life itself. Menopause does not last Thank God but it’s tough, really tough. Or it can be. Like with me. You don’t have to send flowers or candy or overdo it , but a call just to see how She is ..so appreciated. A text with a funny picture to her will make her day. It only takes you young wizards a second. Two seconds tops. You wait in line at your favorite coffee shop longer than that. Give your mother a break. And tell her you love her. Even if you think she’s not in her right mind. She isn’t. But she needs you. Just like you did when you could not even feed yourself. Think about that and embrace your mom for the hand she had in creating the you that is so precious so beautiful so unique…And if there is any other way to help her blow those dark clouds away, please do it. Don’t make it a once in a while thing. Make it an everyday thing. Just like she took care of you…everyday.