Do they ever grow up?

I have not been in my youngest son’s  life like I imagined I would be. I think he got the short end of the stick. It’s not anyone’s fault per se, just Life.  Life kept stepping in and prevented me from nurturing him from the beginning with all kinds of traumas, and tragedies and sadness and money problems and Problems. I allowed myself to be a victim of my anxiety as well and was on medication for Too Long. A person can be the room with a child and not be there. That was me…for many years. How I wish I got a re-do!!  Unfortunately we don’t.

As posted before, we moved a few months ago and had cable, now we have satellite. His online friends for eight years are gone. His older sisters stepped in and took the mantle of mommy when I could not. I am not proud of that. I am sorrowful, but there is the truth. We live in the country now, not much for him to do…His older brother whom he is very close to also has a job and friends and goes to community college so is not around as much. He does try to spend time with his younger brother.

However, being that child that was not nurtured, dad always working, mom in la la land, has made him a little anti social. Or maybe that is just his personality. At any rate, a very wise young woman who is a teacher said to me, “you have to make learning fun”. (I home school)…it’s very hard for me to do that with him, although I am constantly trying. I thought about what she said, let it rattle around in my brain a few days and decided that if I couldn’t make learning fun, at least I could Do things with him when he showed an interest.

Since we are in the country, there are rodeos and tractor pulls and those kinds of things to entertain us. My youngest mentioned he would like to go to the rodeo. The date falls on the same date I was to go to a pro baseball game with my eldest son who is 33, along with his lovely wife, and maybe my granddaughter (If she is Really Bored!!)…I had no idea when I said I would go to the baseball game that it would be an all day affair. I asked my youngest to accompany me, but sadly he does not get along with his eldest brother.

I have been known to back out of things because of my Anxiety. Some in my family say it’s a crutch but those of us who suffer from it know it’s Not. I backed out of the ball game because I would probably miss the rodeo that the youngest son wants to go to. I had no idea the times would be conflicting of one another. The oldest son said to take him to another one at a different time. The next time they are having it, there is another event planned that I wanted to take the youngest to. The older son replied that I made plans with them first and then proceeded to say some very ugly words and hung up on me. Plus he already bought the ticket. I sent him the money for the ticket and cried for a half hour or more. (the menopause) and also sadness.  It just seems like I can’t please anyone anymore. I am constantly ticking someone off it seems.

In the old days, I would let that slide right off my back, but tears engulf me these days. The hubs has the right of it:  “Just don’t commit to anything. All plans 30 minutes soft prior to happening”…(Michael J. Fox, The Move:  The American President.)

My hubs is right…

Proper etiquette (in my opinion) is that my eldest son should have said something like, “of course take him to the rodeo, we can see a game anytime”…or “we can leave early enough to get you home in time to take #6 to the rodeo”….Sheesh!

Do they ever grow up?

Or is it me?


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