This is what it feels like…

I was in the house over a week while recovering from four teeth pulled. For the first few days I was just laying in bed on painkillers, watching mindless television and sleeping. I ventured outside a few times a day with the dogs. I look like a Wolf with fangs on the bottom. Not Attractive. Then I was really sick on the antibiotics. My fixer/upper is dark on the inside due to all of the trees around the yard I guess. I usually love trees, but these are so old and So Tall and they are kind of Scary looking. I don’t like them. At All.  I am used to decent windows. The ones I have look like they are going to fall out at any time. We knew what we were getting into when we bought this place but maybe I didn’t Really Know.

I ventured out of the house last week to go to the store and I was okay but felt weird, like disoriented, like I needed to be re-introduced on how to walk into a store. Anxiety was visiting me.  Then the next day I went to the laundry mat as we don’t have a washer and dryer. As I was driving, I noticed that the Sun was So Bright and I swear, I saw not really double vision, but a car would like one car and another transposed on top of it. Hard to describe. Everything was out of focus, like fuzzy. I entered the laundry mat, trying to act normal and of course I felt Abnormal and Crazy. I was looking at all of the machines, just to make sure I was seeing only One. By the time I was done, I stood outside on the sidewalk, looking at things. Really looking. I only saw one of everything, but my tummy was dropping to my toes in a Bad Way. On the way home, I began to think I had something Really Wrong and by the next day was in a Full Blown Anxiety State. I called my eye doctor, of course he was not in. Kept calling others and could Not get an appointment. Finally found an eye doctor that was Available and went to see him. Told him everything. He was very young and that was at first Scary but then again Comforting. The young ones have all the new technology. I was Sure I had something Awfully Wrong with me. Turns out I am just getting Old and my astigmatisms are worse.  He took pictures of the back of eye which I am always Hyper about. Seeing the optic nerve is essential when you have a family member (biological mother) that has MS. They can see the myelin shaft of the optic nerve start to thin. I am fine. I ordered two pairs of glasses, one for driving as well as sunglasses with an anti glare/polarized package. I do not have the money for that but I decided to Stomp on my Anxiety and get what I needed to be calm and see Correctly.

This is what Anxiety does. I obsessed and obsessed and drove myself Crazy. I know the eye doctor probably thinks I am Crazy too. An old woman like me prattling about double vision which I did not have according to him.  Going to his office looking like a Wolf with fangs and No Teeth. Sheesh.  Talk about feeling like a Nut Job…Of course I know that if I did have double vision, it wouldn’t just be when I was in the Sun….but you couldn’t tell me that when I was in Panic Mode. Now I am just exhausted from it all….

This is what Anxiety feels like.




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