Anxiety and me…

I hate Anxiety. I don’t hold onto it because I Want it in my life, and I Hate the way it controls me and makes me dependent on other people. My doc appointment was today and I took my daughter with me. Really she offered to drive me because she knows I have anxiety….it was nice because we visited on the hour drive. She just got back from a trip to Maine, and it’s so nice having her here at home again. She went in to the office with me, and spoke to the doctor with me, and I felt like she was the parent. Not in a bad way. She was very sweet and supportive.

Apparently there is a ‘maybe’ small cyst on my ovary, according to the doc, and I am ‘tender’ (I was jumping off the table, tender please.), but he said it’s very small, if there at all. I have to go in two weeks from now for my annual, so he will check again then and use a ‘probe’ (gross sounding) ultrasound to make sure. He said that if it is so small, as it seems to be, he will do nothing. I immediately said, ‘Take it out’!!  But he was very sure that there was no need for surgery. However, I know that is doctor speak for Wait and See which I Hate. He also found some white cells in my urine which I Hate but he said that it is probably a bladder infection but will ‘culture’ it and get back to me. Goody! More waiting!

Then he said that once a woman has gone through menopause, is post menopausal, as I apparently am, it’s very common for the woman to get these bladder infections due to the blah blah blah thinning out from getting old—- like wrinkly inside. Gross. He also said that women ‘my age’ have ‘pain’ around the ovaries and such, ‘mysterious pain’ that occurs when the ovaries ‘move around’….(Where do they move to?)….anyway, will be on edge until I get the culture back. When I was younger a bladder infection had the burning sensation when peeing, which I don’t have. None of this ridiculous pain. He also said it could all be coming from a bladder infection.  (the pain) Okaayyyy….Guess we learn something new everyday….I do trust this doctor although my daughter said that I don’t act like it. I wish I were as carefree as she is….unfortunately, I never was….Of course now I have to worry about the probe thing as well…..

Just tired of being sick and tired.

Tired of worrying and being tired.

Wanting to live a life with No Fear.



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