Blogging keeps me sane in a world that I no longer understand. I can not reconcile my expectations that I held so close and dear to my heart with the reality that has become my life. I never expected time to pass so quickly although it was passing by like a blur. I never thought that I would see the day when one of my beloved daughters would move so far from home. The idea that she is embarking on a new journey for reasons I can not understand never crossed my mind.
If she were a missionary in a far away land, a calling if you will from God, I could understand and would never want to become a roadblock in God’s plan. If she felt compelled to serve her country, I would not be joyous but would understand, especially if it were something she always wanted to do. (especially since I raised in a Military family)
If she received a job offer that was too stupendous and amazing to pass up, I could understand. She has received a job offer and she has accepted, not to diminish teaching at all, for a Teacher is a Noble Profession and we need Good and Dedicated Teachers. However, for a salary that is comparable to where she is living now is not a stupendous and amazing Thing. To see the world? To see a different State? To move so far away? No, I just don’t get it. I know the truth, but I would never say it, nor would I write it. I don’t like it. But I know the Why of it, and I still don’t Understand.
It is not necessary that I understand, it is her life. She may love her new Home and for her sake, I hope she does. I know that she will be a Huge Success as a Teacher, for she can be nothing but a success. It is impossible for her to Fail. She has the education, the knowledge, the Love and the Heart for the children, so failure is not even on the table. She will make new friends as she is an outgoing and fun loving person. She will thrive in her new environment because she is that type of person. She will work hard and be extremely busy, committed to her profession. She will enjoy life with her beloved who is accompanying her.
I will not say one bad thing about it because I have heard only good things about the state she is moving too. I have friends and clients who have both lived there and vacation there each year and have heard nothing but wonderment and delight.
I just know that things will change, and who really likes change? Perhaps the young. I too, thrived on change when I was young. I liked new places and new people, new jobs, and new situations. I got bored easily. She is not bored of her Home State. However, I never had the desire to leave my Home State as my family resided here and I never wanted to leave them. I was content and still am in my beloved Virginia. I may move too eventually to a warmer climate, but it will not be easy. As the days go by, the wish and dream and thought of moving to a warmer climate becomes less and less important to me. My family that still resides here is so much more important.
I hope that she finds Great Happiness and Joy in her new Home. I wish and pray for only Good Things for her. Blessings overflowing. I prayed that she would be offered a position if it were God’s will. She was offered a position, so I am assuming it is His will, therefore I now pray for mercy and peace about it.
I know that I will find new Things to fill my time as the only way I can escape my sorrow is to throw myself into Work. That is how I will begin. Step by Step I will add more Things in my Life to keep me busy until they become a part of my life. I will one day wake up and not feel like a deep hole has been bored into my tummy. I will Slap Anxiety Hard and continue being busy. I will finish my book and gently guide the last child under the legal age into community college, and hopefully University. I will finally finish my degree that I have been working on for Too Long. I will acclimate to my New Town and watch the other children that are Still Here move on and Live their Lives. I will remain vigilant and keep careful watch over my son that has heart disease.
Things will never be the same, but they will be okay.
I will be okay.
I will cry and cry for her and then one day the tears will dry and they won’t run down like a swollen river, causing my eyes to become puffy and nose to be stuffed up. I will stay focused and continue on my Quest for Purpose.
I will be okay but things
will never be
the same again
I know to