I broke down and called #3 yesterday as she was traveling toward her new home. She has a new-ish car, but has had several transmissions put in it, and it is a basic model. She was driving up and down mountains and hills and was a bit stressed….
Of course moving to a new state with no family nor friends there and starting a new job is worrisome. But it’s good!! However, we talked for Four Hours while she was traveling. I was surprised. I did not want to call her because I thought I may upset her. Her parting was shattered with tears just falling down like rain. But I caved and called and I am so glad I did.
However, she brought up some things that are concerning. Although it’s her life and I am sure she will work it out. I have known for a while that her future mother-in-law has been a trial at times. She does display erratic behavior from time to time. She really likes to be In Charge. Unfortunately for her, my daughter is one to have a Very Strong Warrior Woman Character. Her future mother-in-law has met her match.
She tried to change the seating arrangements of my daughter’s wedding next July. She had the venue contract in Her Name. (his family is Not paying for it) She has planned a ‘reception’ for her friends that she demanded they attend the Day Before the Wedding…She wants to fly in a minister that neither the Bride nor Groom knows, she wants to invite ‘her friends’ that are from a southern state, and there has been no direction as to who is going to pay for them….things like this. It’s a very long list. I think the groom’s mom wants to plan the wedding.
I suggested that my daughter just tell her that I am handling the details because of my close proximity to the city where they will be getting married. My daughter agreed. She wants to ‘run it by’ her fiance first of course. If agreed, my daughter will write an email to her future mother-in-law which I will copy and paste and actually email to her. Then the future mother-in-law will think all correspondence is coming from me.
This woman needs to be Handled. Not Just for the wedding, but for my daughter’s Life. She will one day be a grandmother….my daughter thinks the woman is so unhinged that she doesn’t want her future children to Ever stay with her for a visit. This was a conversation she had with her fiance and he Was Mad. He knows the disposition of his mom, but it still hurts him and angers him and he feels like my daughter wants him to break ties with his family. This is Not True. However, his family has proven time after time that they are disrespectful to my daughter and down right Mean. Her fiance does Not take up for my daughter. He just Allows his mother (mainly) to speak to her disrespectfully. My Daughter Will Not Allow That…..
As she is telling me all of these things, (perhaps she was just venting some unsaid frustrations, so I am not taking it Too Seriously), I thought in the deepest recesses of my mind, “if they are fighting about these things now, even which family to visit First at Christmas)……” — are they sure that they want to get married?
Moving to a new state is very stressful at age 24, with no family nor friends as yet, and planning a wedding can be Stress for Sure, and they are already arguing about these things? I know she loves this man and I am sure he loves her, but when he started ‘making jabs’ about her family…..yes a huge argument started…..In other words, what should be a Delight, an Adventure, Fun (!) and Exciting(!) New Life Journey sounds to me like it’s getting off on the wrong foot and they aren’t even married yet!
These are just a few thoughts of a Mother that knows she can not say anything except give gentle, loving advice and come up with soothing ideas to alleviate future Trouble…for her daughter….
But I do wonder…..