Anxiety and me….

I have had diverticulitis three or four times before. I have taken the icky medicine and been so very sick and was even hospitalized for it. I don’t ever remember losing weight. I have heard that people do.

Prior to this bout of illness, and the other illnesses I had over the summer, I would usually not eat breakfast, perhaps forget to eat lunch or just skip it, drink coffee all day and then eat at night. Sometimes I would “binge eat” at night. Just eat and eat and eat.

I started eating breakfast with this bout of divers because I had so much awful medicine to take and I had to have something in my stomach. So for the past five weeks, I have had a small amount of food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This is not including the four days of liquids only.

I have discovered that I have lost another 4 pounds in 2 weeks. I should never have stepped on the scale.

Most people would be happy to lose weight. Under normal circumstances, I would be. But because I have never lost weight before with divers, why am I losing it now? These thoughts set in and take hold of me and then of course I consult Mr. Google and read that if one keeps losing weight they could have cancer and that leads to more morose thoughts and it just goes round and round until I am making myself sick…..

It is true that I don’t want to eat anything at all. Unless the hubs fixes me like an egg sandwich (I don’t even like it) – I may eat like 5 teaspoons of yogurt for breakfast or maybe 2 small containers of applesauce because they just slide right down. For lunch I eat a sandwich with turkey and two pieces of bread. I have been grinding up broccoli for the past few days and eating that in the late afternoon followed by two baked potatoes when the hubs gets home. Throughout the day I drink water which I really am getting tired of and maybe 2/3 cups of iced coffee (which is probably not good for me)…..I also drink a bottle of water with yucky fiber in it. Gross. I may increase that after seeing the gastro doc this upcoming week but am afraid to add more fiber now. So that’s the menu.

I hate food right now. I don’t want to eat anything. The only reason I am eating at all is because the hubs Took Over and I am getting my strength back little by little. I am not exercising nor doing much of anything that would cause me to lose weight. I try and walk around our little acre everyday or go out to the store or run an errand each day. That’s about all I can do for now.

Still, the anxiety sets in and is very Happy because I am nervous…


4 thoughts on “Anxiety and me….

  1. Look at my post “What Are You Eating?” It’s about fruits and what they do for you, you mentioned fiber, and apples and or applesauce, and apple juice, I drink like 5 gallons of unsweetened(no added sugar) a week lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I suddenly lost weight due to colitis and it can be scary! Changed my diet and am doing better…and regained some weight. If you can figure what’s irritating your GI tract and cut those things out of your diet, it may help (for me it’s dairy and peanuts).

    Liked by 1 person

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