A little Distance….

As I was sitting here this afternoon, waiting for the Face Time referred to in my previous post, I was feeling sorry for myself most likely…..

My daughter just texted me and said that she was sorry but Face Time would not go through but she would send pictures and call later…

I have been thinking about my empty nest when not thinking about my health and scaring myself, all afternoon. I began to think about the time when I moved away from my beloved mom and dat. (grandparents)

Mom was a Force. Most of the time we had a wonderful relationship. When she was 27, she had to have a hysterectomy. She never talked about it much. She adopted her brother’s child that was in an orphanage. (long and confusing story)…That little baby boy was my father. (horrible man)…Anyway, it is my opinion that Mom was a little wacko because she couldn’t have children.

My point: When I was young, just 18, I had my first son. I turned 19 two months later. My husband at the time was in prison. (horrid man) He got out when my son was 9 months old and we tried again with the marriage thing but it didn’t work out and I was back home by my son’s first birthday. My son was very sick his first three years of life. Mom and Dat graciously allowed us to live with them. However, Mom soon began to try and take over parenting, to  go so far as to have my son call her, “Mommy”…That was the beginning of the War…..I moved out when he was three. I will not go into the many battles that mom and I had. We both grew up, moved on and had a wonderful relationship just like before my son was born….we loved each other so much…

However, when I moved one weekend, I called her to come over and see the new apartment and she was gone. In those days there were no cell phones and I had no idea where the crazy woman went. She was missing in action for several days. I called her friends and the church and the hospitals, went to her house…the cat was gone, Dat was gone, so I assumed she was at her beach house. I called there too and received no answer.

Mom and Dat were retired for twenty years and deserved every year. Dat was in the military and worked very hard since he was 12, living through the Depression and taking care of his brother and mother. They lived comfortably. They could leave for someplace at the drop of a hat. That was exactly what she did every time I moved or dated someone she didn’t like or made a decision she did not like. She just left. Sometimes for weeks at a time. No communication. She stopped that foolishness over the years and stayed in touch with me.

I was thinking about this today. I think she was distancing herself from me because she was hurt. She did not want to be hurting and missing me and my son. I am sure she detested it. Therefore, her disappearing acts….

As I was mulling over those memories and laughing in spite of myself, I came to see the wisdom in her actions instead of what some may say was childishness. She just wanted to be able to live life without being tied so strongly to her child and grandchild so that if they weren’t there, she wouldn’t fall apart. ( I was her daughter rather than granddaughter in every way)

She need not have worried. I was in her life Closely until she passed. I even jumped in the casket at her funeral because I could not breathe without her in my life. She was so loved. Yes we are/were Drama Queens, but there was love at the heart of it. A great love.

I think that what she did and how she acted in hindsight was a pretty good idea. Self preservation and all that.

I am not well enough to make any definite plans, nor do I have the money to go traipsing around the country like she did, but I can make a new life without being so tied to the proverbial Cord with my grown children….and those still here that have one foot out the door.

I think I am going to follow mom’s example, but not in such a drastic way….that crazy, beloved woman drove me up the wall with worry!!

Distancing myself in a Loving way is a good idea!  I am going to try it!!

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