We have been having this discussion in our home this past week. I have two adult children living at home. One is just 18 (almost 19) and still in community college. The other has recently graduated from college and is job hunting…
We have always allowed our adult children to live at home rent free. We have never believed in “charging rent”. We wanted the children to have an easier start than we had. We have home schooled four out of six children. While in community college, a few of them worked just for some extra pocket money, but we provided a car, insurance, pocket money, as well as health insurance, and paid their phone bill. Once they went on to University, they did get jobs but we still provided extra food, furnishing the dorms, as well as pocket money and a wealth of other expenses. Once I found out that there may be partying involved, I cut the money off and they had to get jobs while going to University.
Our 18 year old is in his second year of community college. He is the only one that has worked the entire time. I did not want him to. He secured a job that turned in to a great job with a future. So I didn’t say anything as long as he kept up his grades. So far he has done so.
The 21 year old has not yet secured employment, so she can’t contribute at all.
Years ago we allowed the eldest, his young wife, and baby to live at home but they paid their car insurance and cell phones and car insurance.
We recently learned that we are unable to secure a small mortgage on the Fixer Upper once paid off (6 months or so) due to lower than expected credit scores, new mortgage laws, etc. We would have to clean up the credit report and obtain a Home Equity Loan. That’s difficult because we are in a Fixer Upper so the house isn’t worth much. We also have to get our credit rating higher in order to do that. The reason we wanted to get a small mortgage is to pay off the family members that have opened credit cards to help us fix up the house to be livable!!
Thus, the discussion to eliminate unnecessary expenses. We talked about each grown child paying a little bit each week, (50.00) and their own car insurance and phone bills.
Wow! I was hit full force with opposition!! (I will just move out)…I calmly told them to pack because I need a bedroom. (I was mad)…
I really don’t want either of them to move out, especially the 18 year old because he is still in school and has heart disease and I would like to keep him around as long as possible to make sure he is taking care of himself.
However, with all of the phones on our family plan, the bill is 300+ each month. I have told them that they are going to have to pay something each paycheck on their phones. We just can’t afford it. The 21 year old has said she will take over her phone, car insurance and health insurance once she obtains full time employment but she was mad too.
The fault is mine. When they wanted to upgrade their phones, I had No Idea how expensive these phones were and kind of waved them away and allowed them to upgrade. Being sick for the summer probably had something to do with that. If I had taken the time to see how much these phones were, I would have said,”your phone is 600 or 700 dollars”…if that’s what you want, once you save the money, sure, upgrade if you like. But I didn’t do that. My fault.
Their car insurance is only about 30.00 a month each for they both drive older, paid for cars. However, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to pay it.
I was paying my own way at 18. I worked since I was 12. I contributed to my mom’s household even when my eldest and I lived there when young. She wouldn’t allow me to pay a bill nor “rent”, but I bought groceries as much as I could and put gas in their cars.
We are trying to buckle down and pay off this house, clean up our credit and get the debts off our backs. It’s a collective effort I think.
However, now I am a Tyrant and Terrible Mother and I let others before them live rent free, and paid expenses (we had money then…hello!!)….and thus I guess their feelings are a bit hurt.
How hard is it to buy toilet paper and paper towels once a week? Or laundry detergent? Or pay on your dumb phone at the AT&T store when you get a paycheck? Is is fair that Dad works with his body So Awfully Hard to provide what they have? A roof over their heads and food on their table, they all have cars. He fixes everything for them and does the best he can with a house that anyone else would have bulldozed?
It was a shocker For Sure to find that we could not borrow 30K to pay back what we owe to friends and family, as well perhaps use a little of that to fix the side of the house that is Falling In and buy New Cheap windows….sheesh..
If I find out on Monday that my diverticulitis isn’t a complicated case, I will work a minimum wage job at night while home schooling the youngest for his last year in addition to my regular job (doing estimates, selling jobs for the company) and get my lower plate so I will have Teeth. Then start paying down credit cards in addition to the minimum payments we are making. Paying down the highest interest cards first. That’s where all my checks will go to.
I hate to do this at my age. I am not feeling sorry for myself but I am tired. I have worked two jobs before and unfortunately many people have to do that. I was just hoping that the children that are grown and have the ability to pay a little to Help with the Family would be more open to it. That they would Want To….
Full disclosure: The hubs doesn’t want them to pay anything. He feels he paid for the other ones, he will pay for those that are still living at home and he doesn’t want them to have to work as hard as we have. While he is Hurting Himself Working Like Mad….This is all me. ….the Tyrant Mother.
I don’t think that giving everything to kids is good for them unless one is really wealthy. How can they be taught about the real world where Bills come in Every Month and you have to pay them??
Comments welcome please, maybe I am wrong…