The Ya Ya Sisterhood….

What an old movie!!  I still like it. I never watched the entire thing from beginning to end. I recorded it so I could during my recovery from divers. The strange thing is, I found myself relating to something that happened in the movie and I was completely shocked at myself. I had to think about it and then pray about it and I am still shocked. Sometimes when we “see our innermost thoughts” instead of ignoring them, we find out quite a bit about ourselves.

Allow me to explain. One of the main characters in this movie had a problem with alcohol. She went to a doctor for it, overdosed with pills, and was put in an institution which helped her.

However, in these throes of agony and abuse, she would go to church. She was a Catholic. (I am not). She would go to confession and confess that she had impure and bad thoughts about her husband and children and wanted to run away and never come back. I am paraphrasing.

Just a few posts ago, I credited my hubs for helping to get myself on my feet and he did. However, it’s been a tough 25 years. When one is laying around for weeks and months like I have, (and still am)…you unfortunately have much time to Think. Not always a bad thing, but certainly not always a Good Thing.

I discovered that while I was really sick from medication, all I really cared about was getting off it. Then came the recovery portion which the hubs helped with.

Then the family went to the beach without me, which was good. I did not want to go. We don’t have the money and I was not comfortable going. I was perfectly happy staying home with the dogs.

Then my blood pressure skyrocketed. I was placed on a higher dose that has not really kicked in. Anxiety has me thinking that I must have something terribly wrong with me. I went to the doc and was worried about the blood pressure, and the anxiety, and she said to rest and take it easy. (irritating that’s all I have been doing)….It’s probably a State of Anxiety (which I have been through many times)…not to worry about so much weight loss..blah blah blah…

Then I watched that movie.

If I were younger, I would certainly take off. Gasp!  I never thought I would say that, think that, nor admit that. Years ago the hubs and I “made a pact” that no matter what we would stay together until the children were grown. It’s easy to do that when you are young and in love. Who ever thinks you will be flat broke when older, make money, lose money, have babies, lose babies, go through such terrible times when a spouse does heroin or crack cocaine or drinks too much? Who thinks that a child will have heart disease? Who thinks of the man changing or the woman changing when in Menopause or Post Menopause?

I don’t think that many young people think of that at all. I certainly didn’t. Everything was Roses, Roses, Roses.

Well things change. And not always for the best.

When younger, I always had a Plan. I always had a Net. I always had something up my sleeve. One gets tired. One gets old. One’s body breaks down. One gets Anxiety. One gets scared. One has No Money to fall back on. One never thinks that they will lose control over their household. One never thinks that their grown children will disrespect them for beliefs that they have Always Had. One never thinks that a spouse will Have the Darkest Days that makes all the good for nothing. Well it happens.

Yet one still wants to run and start over. For Real.

What a depressing post. Sorry about that!



4 thoughts on “The Ya Ya Sisterhood….

  1. IT’s easy to make promises on our expectations and its hard to keep them when our expectations are not met. I think there is nothing wrong with getting the emotions and feelings out – expression doesn’t imply that it will happen, just that they are thoughts.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Better to get it out. Dark thoughts are a part of life. Try to remind yourself that depression creates a form of rain cloud tinted glasses (opposite of rose tinted) all your memories are reviewed, the most depressing thoughts come to the fore and a negative spin is placed on everything. It feels real but it is not really real. On a happier day a more positive spin can make these same memories seem less important or you may remember the positive aspects. Try not to make decisions when you are depressed. But at the same time the best way to work your way through these things is talking to un-involved sympathetic third parties; us. We are here for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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