The Dark One and the Fixer Upper

I really need to find another name for him. But until I do, he will remain the Dark One. I have a closet in the Fixer Upper that is located in the bedroom/office–supposed to be a living room….

This closet needed to be cleaned and painted and I was willing to do it. I am very short so need one of those large footstools. They have three “stairs” on them. The Dark One hooked up lights that he uses sometimes when doing a job at night and I took everything out of this closet which was used for storage. He came in after we had an argument and threw my kindle across the room and dropped a bucket of paint on the floor and demanded that I get started. No brushes, rollers, or paint pan to go with it.  It was about 9:00 at night and I was winding down from the day and certainly did not want to start painting. No stool. I wanted the closet completed so I would have  a place for his clothes. The closet is not painted and I will not mention it again. Done with that. I will just throw his clothes in a plastic container. Who cares?

He decided to do something with the laundry room. The floor is falling in to the dirt floor below with rotten floor joists  and the door he put in is actually holding up the walls. He cut out an eight foot by four foot area and spent the day trying to figure out if he was going to fix it the “right way” or the “cheap way”. I still don’t know what he came up with.

However, through-out this process, he mentioned turning that room into a bedroom for us. It would be very small and he would not have his beloved television in it. The washer and dryer would also be in it. I was fine with that. However, then he would not have any place to put his tools.

He had planned to build a shed, but with his silly beach trip and all the money wasted on booze, oh well…no money.

At first the laundry room was supposed to be just that: a laundry room and storage room for all of his work tools until we have the money for him to build a shed. Then he changed his mind and mentioned a bedroom. That would “free up” the Living room which we are using as a bedroom and office combo.

This “back and forth” went on for hours. The end result? Nothing.

He went to his favorite big box hardwood store and came back with sub flooring and of course an six pack of beer. He was drinking and drank one too many. Subsequently, a fight started.

I am guilty of calling him names as well as losing my temper. My purse was thrown into a large dumpster we have on the property right now. (of course he would throw it in the dumpster with all of my medicine and personal items)… So there I am, in the dark of night, climbing through bushes (scary) and trash (gross) trying to get all of my stuff out that was strewn in the dumpster. I know there are still some things in there I did not get.

My kindle went sailing across the room as well. My daughter bought it for me and I enjoy reading it so much. I have also played online games for eight years with people across the world. It’s a “thing” and not important to him, especially because he does not read. (of course not, we have nothing in common)

The most upsetting thing last night was that he decided to leave On Foot. I have jobs scheduled, materials paid for, and in some instances, will have to give out refunds that I don’t have…..luckily the only kid home was the 15 almost 16 year old. However, he was very upset and my heart was breaking.

He should not take sides but of course said that I antagonized ‘dad’ and it was my fault.  Dad works so hard, blah, blah, blah…The Dark One said that he was receiving text messages from his daughters (mine too) begging him to ‘get MAWM in order’ because I was driving them crazy.

I, like an idiot, texted the one in Colorado. I also called her earlier in the day. Prior to her leaving, she promised that we would call every day and stay in touch. However, that doesn’t happen. She said she stays in touch with her brother, the one with the heart condition, but not many other family members because she is so busy. She does text her dad of course. However, every time I have called her, she seems like she is with her boyfriend and can’t talk. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where the man would not want me talking to my mother. We used to be so close but maybe that was an illusion on my part. She said she doesn’t have any problems because she doesn’t want any problems. It’s actually taken from the movie, “Mrs. Winterborn”….good for her.

I am just going to be silent.

The youngest and I drug sub floor out of the Dark One’s van and covered up the hole in the floor. The Dark One came back.  In the dark I may add… He said he never left – was just somewhere on the property…haunting  I guess and watching us….what a weirdo.

He said he is Done. I said I am Done.

I realized that there is no way I can stay in this Fixer Upper without him..There are too many things that can go wrong. It’s not like I can call a maintenance man or something. And Winter Is Coming. I will just have to shut my mouth and keep quiet and take whatever verbal abuse is being spouted my way until I make my escape. It would take a complete 360 and a Miracle for me to stay.

In front of others, whether friends (he has one) or family members or doctors, he is the epitome of a great guy, great husband. He’s a devil. He’s a liar. His kids fall for it. Sad. He did take over my recovery from divers and helped me through it. That’s the good part of him. I think everyone has some good in them. His darkness is overtaking the light.

In full disclosure, he said I do Nothing for him. It’s true. I do the laundry and clean some but he never sees that. I stopped all the back rubs and affection and handling his business problems years ago when he went on a “walk about” and left for two weeks, pawning my equipment and leaving me and the children who were young at the time….while he was off doing heroin and crack. I was not a good support for him while he was in a facility detoxing. I don’t apologize for that. He should never have done it in the first place. It was the second time he did that in our marriage.. I was completely devastated as well as financially sunk. I am no longer angry, I just don’t do anything for him. One can only take so much. When your mortgage is behind, you have a business where someone does not show up, your equipment is pawned, it’s pretty hard to rebuild the company, but I did it. Not knowing if your spouse is dead or alive is taxing as well. He did it Twice. And he was sober when I married him and like a dummy had no idea nor inkling that he would become a drug addict. True, it was 14 years ago, but I decided way back then that allowing him to come home was quite Big of me. I am not mean to him, nor do I say anything unless I am Provoked. I am just not that loving wife he married. He killed her.

However, I have decided that since he continues to waste money on drinking or whatever else he is doing, as well as using profanity constantly, and Me Being Seen as the Crazy One by my kids, I am going to darn sure well get my own finances paid, get a job at night while I am home schooling the youngest (I made a commitment and can’t go back on that) and Keep Quiet.

I don’t want the Fixer Upper at all. I decided that. It’s too old, has too many problems, and it would be a trial for me to keep it on my own. Better to relocate to an apartment or something that I can handle by myself and call Maintenance if there is a problem. He can just have the house. By law, he would be forced to sell it and I would get half. Done. Not what I envisioned, but because he is getting worse and worse….necessary.

Calling my other daughter, the one that lives at home was foolish too. She was out with a friend as well as her boyfriend, and they may have been drinking. Or maybe they weren’t I don’t know. I certainly didn’t want her driving here if they were drinking. She was not very keen on running home to help Mawm anyway–not that she could do anything, but it would have been nice to have moral support.

The one that broke my heart was the youngest, asking me not to leave him. The four younger children, some grown– are crazy about the Dark One because he enforces no rules and embraces their well as pays for them. They have no responsibilities. I am, and always have been, the disciplinarian, as well as the family’s moral compass. They just choose to blow me off….

The youngest is crazy about his father although for the life of me I can’t understand why.

I will just keep quiet for a while and get my debts paid, get my teeth taken care of and work.

My time will come. I am very patient….

I will only post about him if it’s something really troubling. Posting about him only gives him power over me.

See why my blood pressure is up?



One thought on “The Dark One and the Fixer Upper

  1. I read this belatedly, for which I apologize. I can only hope you haven’t killed each other yet. You are describing, with some gender roles reversed, a relationship I embarked upon after the collapse of my first marriage. Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t, in fact, the most common relationship status. I am lucky in my marriage now, but I look around at my friends and see much the situation you describe and I remember repeated many times. Ah, me….your best bet is to leave him as geographically as possible – certainly well out of throwing range.


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