Fear of Food….

How can anyone be afraid of food?  People with tummy issues have the fear of food. What they can eat, what they can not eat, what it will do to their tummies. How they will feel the next day…

This is a new added component of my anxiety. I have written before that I have had diverticulitis at least four times. The last time in July of this year. Only four months ago. Not that long ago, but still I feel I should be almost back to “normal” whatever that is for me. But I’m not. I eat the same thing every day just to be safe. That sounds so silly!  But it’s true. Obviously I am not getting the nutrition I should be getting. However, at my last trip to the hospital last weekend, my blood work was fine so I am not too worried about it. I do take vitamins. I know that some don’t believe in them but I have always taken them.

On my days off, when I have two days off in a row, I try and introduce foods that may or may not affect me in a bad way the next day. I used to eat a lot of soup before this last bout of divers. I prefer the bean and ham and split pea and ham. I tried it today for lunch, and already my tummy is hurting, but will see how I do tomorrow. I am pretty sure that it will take some time for my belly to get used to different things again. I don’t know why I am so scared, but I am.

It’s weird because every time I get this dreaded infection, my diet changes completely. For example, I used to drink ginger ale. I can’t stand it now. I used to drink my beloved coffee since I was a kid, too many cups per day….some days I only have one, others, I have none. I drink six bottles of water per day although I don’t like it. It makes my belly feel bloated and full and I just feel gross. Another time I had it, I loved to drink cokes. Afterward, no way. I used to eat beef. Then I couldn’t stand it. So strange!

Now I spend Too Much Time worrying about what I can and can not eat. I do eat a small container of applesauce for breakfast. I never ate breakfast since I was a teen, so I guess that’s a good thing. A turkey sandwich for lunch with yogurt in the afternoon and potatoes for dinner. Sometimes I have broccoli. That’s it.  I am losing weight but this is not the way I wanted to!!  I am learning what I can and can not tolerate. When I work I only eat a pudding or two for lunch which I know isn’t good for me, but am too afraid that if I eat anything else, I will have a whopper of a belly ache.

I guess this is my “new normal” for now!


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