One thing I have realized since being sick for so long is that I dwell on all the things that are wrong in my life. Then Anxiety kicks in and starts tap dancing in my tummy and my head starts to hurt and I look outside and see nothing but darkness. Then Anxiety’s sidekick, Fear sets in and I am on an emotional roller coaster again.
My best friend of twenty some years said that she got through last year, which was a really hard year, by reading her Bible everyday until she felt peace. I too, then started reading a devotional that includes the New Testament and Proverbs and then another book of Psalms. I start reading first thing in the morning. I hate to eat so eat while I am reading so that makes the eating easier. Before I know it, I have eaten cereal and a banana! It’s really the only way I can start the day. The meds I am on are taken at night. I used to be a morning person but now I just can’t seem to get up and moving.
Today after my morning devotional and breakfast, I immediately started thinking about tomorrow. I am supposed to go back to work tomorrow at the winery. It’s a “big day” up there apparently, but I am scared. Why? Who knows? Maybe because I am afraid I will suddenly get sick or something. I am afraid I won’t wake up in time, that I will be late. I obsessed almost the entire morning about this. Then gave myself a mental slap and decided that I was wasting an entire day worrying about the Next Day. Who does that??? Anxiety sufferers like me!
It’s kind of a gray overcast day, no sun (which I love) and it was so hard to motivate to do anything..but I made myself get in the car and go to the store. It was pretty boring. When I came home I took the dogs out, still anxious about tomorrow. Then I saw one of the azalea bushes blooming and it was so beautiful! Ahh!! Instant “warm and fuzzy feeling”….then I thought, “Why would I worry about being late to a $9.00 per hour job”? So decided not to worry about it. If I am late, then I am late. I am not going to spend the rest of the day worrying about something so silly!!